We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
