I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
