Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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