did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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