Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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