I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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