So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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