I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
