There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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