I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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