if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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