next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
