You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
