He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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