I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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