we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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