chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My hand turned me down
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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