1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
