I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
