I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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