Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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