we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
