Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
