My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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