I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
