Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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