you traded sex for a burrito?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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