what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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