she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
