i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
