Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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