Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
