Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
