I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
