What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
