That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
