people are starting to question the shark bite story
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
