This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
