Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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