the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
