I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
