Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
