my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
