dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
