My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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