I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize