Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
