My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
