took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
