you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
