I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
