I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
