i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
