I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We left the knife in your bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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