I am puke
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
