you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
