Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
