I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
