there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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