Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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