eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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