I heard we made out
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
