the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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