No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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