he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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