I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
zippers are such a cool invention
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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